say what you need to say

July 19, 2009

i’m fairly certain that bugs will eat me alive tonight thanks to a window accidentally being left open all day. i’ve never done well with bugs here in nashville. ever. but this summer seems especially rough as i am awake at 1:30 am and taking benadryl to help me sleep.

writing in the space has been difficult because i tend to only want to write about the experiences of growth and non-growth [i know that’s not a word, but it makes sense in my head] i’ve had over the past 6 months. and since i am a fairly open person, i try to write without saying too much and its far too difficult. being cryptic is not a gift i possess, i suppose. so while i have written here a few times over the past couple months, i’ve deleted most to spare you all from my streams of consciousness. you’re welcome.

after the wedding i was a part of last weekend, i feel like i’ve entered a new phase of progress and it been so freeing. thank god. memories are double-edged swords and while i recall things still daily, it’s just… different. i remember with much more detachment, if that makes sense.

being surrounded by so many girls who were married or about to be, i found myself extremely happy about where i am in life. it seems weird to say that, but its true. its not to say i don’t want that experience, but i just am comfortable with where i am and do not feel the need to control that part of my life after trying so damn hard to make it work in the past. i have many other things i can control which are more than enough to be focusing on. i will try to gear my future posts to such things. i feel certain i will have more to share as vague ideas are starting to take more tangible form. šŸ™‚

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One Response to “say what you need to say”

  1. Matt Says:

    “i remember with much more detachment, if that makes sense”
    Not knowing what happened, but having had some odd and truely disappointing moments in my life when someone else did something they shouldn’t have done, but was right either way. Things get easier with time. Although you seem to be doing a lot better at this that I was. It took me years to get over things and I still have memories which dredgy up memories I wish didn’t come up. But in the end what I went through has made me a better person and I wouldn’t have it any other way or change one thing.


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