take it up slow.

September 9, 2008

if anything, i am learning right now that while i’d like to think i usually make good decisions, i am not always right. i am easily provoked when i feel wronged and well, impatience is just too easy.

its so easy to focus on the things other people do to hurt you instead of on the things you do to not only hurt them, but yourself. its completely unhealthy to live this way. its completely opposite of anything love should look like. i’ve gone back to this passage several times this week looking for validation instead of for correction.

and so it goes. i am a messy person who is never very graceful and, because of pride, hesitant to learn because usually when you have to learn something it means you aren’t doing something right… and i need to pay more attention to what i do when i am wrong.

i am just really upset with myself at the moment. its never fun to realize things you don’t like about yourself. that said, i am slowing down and realizing it will be okay. the ungraceful and messy moments don’t define me but simply are a part of me learning how to grow, mature, adapt, and, well, love myself and other people more fully. its just hard to not get stuck staring at those parts of myself.

tonight, though, i am stopping.

and putting on a movie.

and finishing a book.

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3 Responses to “take it up slow.”

  1. candypearson Says:

    I am right there with you. I wake up everyday and hope to be a good person. And I am realizing that love is something we have to choose everyday. We have to choose it for ourselves and for other people. Some days it’s really hard to choose it for yourself and some days it’s really hard to choose it for other people. I, like you, am a messy person. I love your honesty in this post and I can relate to it fully. I have to constantly remind myself that God made me who I am and even though I am not perfect, I am LOVED and ADORED. I just have to take one day at a time. I read this in a letter by Jamie from TWLOHA and think it is SO good:
    And God must be a pretty big fan of “today”, because you keep waking up to it. You have made known your request for a hundred different yesterdays, but the sun keeps rising on this thing that has never been known. Yesterday is dead and over. Wrapped in grace. Those days are grace. You are still alive, and today is the most interesting day. Today is the best place to live.

  2. laceyhearty Says:

    “because you keep waking up to it” i really like that.

    you are sweet to write, friend. 🙂

  3. candypearson Says:

    I like that too, but I like you more! 😉


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