Archive for December, 2007

taking chances, buying couches

December 27, 2007

today i am two steps closer to… i am not sure, exactly. but progress is nice.

i interviewed at the coffee shop and am very optimistic… hesitantly so, but hopeful nonetheless. i am pretty good at selling myself [what?] and, i have no reason to be negative yet so i am crossing my fingers. i will know within the week and then provide more details.

…and if that goes well, another job search will most likely ensue. actually, either way i think this is the plan.

i also bought a couch. i found a steal on craigslist and the poor girl was quite patient as indecisive, non-committal me stood silently in her living room going back and forth in my mind about the purchase.

what if something better shows up on craiglist tomorrow?
what even matches sage?
what if i get it in the living room and it doesn’t look right?
what if i have buyer’s remorse?

story of my life. really. i hesitantly asked her to lower the price [i am not good at this kind of thing at all]. she said no. i stalled longer, as i debated in my mind whether i was about to make a terrible decision [and thought to myself in so many words: its a couch for goodness’ sake, stop being so annoying]. to my surprise, she shaved a few bucks off the price and with no further thought i said yes.

its exciting really… to pay for things and have belongings. i kind of like it. i don’t really want to have a lot of stuff, because i know how i am… i constantly live in the future of possibility. nashville is home, for the moment, and i need to embrace that [especially if the job works out, not to mention the 12 month lease i just signed]. and… there is a part of me that enjoys the creative process of making a space my own and i am feeling more and more domesticated every day. [i am planning a trip to the atlanta ikea in january!]

the weekend will include more painting [almost done], hunting for boxes, packing, finding someone to get my couch, hopefully seeing this, and making plans for new years.

…and hunting for more apartment goodies. if you have anything you want to get rid of, i know two girls who are probably interested 🙂

merry times

December 25, 2007

i got to see my nephew tonight… it had been a long time. i forgot how much i love this kid, even though he refuses to take quality pictures. 🙂 i resorted to protest shots with his toys, as you can tell. i also was sternly corrected by him [remember, he is 20 months old], when i called him a little punk. he looked me in the eye, with a wrinkled forehead and a frown, and said “ey, i no punk.” this was his first sentence to me, ever. i couldn’t decide if i felt bad for what i said or if i thought his response made it worth it. i think it was a mixture of the two. 🙂

anyways, merry christmas from my family (punk included) to you and yours!

what to do. what to do.

December 21, 2007

i am tired of answering phones.
but the money here is good.

i want to be a barista again.
but the money won’t be as good.

when did i ever base decisions on money?

insurance. rent. deposits. realism can’t be scoffed at forever. it is what it is. i am almost 24. i have to pay for things somehow, but i hate to let money keep me from pursuing dreams. its the exact type of coffee shop i’ve hoped would come to nashville. otherwise i may start dreaming of packing my bags. again.

what to do… what to do…

there are several options i am toying with if i get the job. [i interview next week.]

taking another part-time job. [tutoring, flower shop, donating plasma, who knows.]
splitting my time between my current job and the new one, meaning i’d take on around 45/50 hours.
nannying on the side. [hell has frozen over.]
attempting to live off of a very meager salary until i get promoted. [because i want to get into management eventually if it all works out.]

i miss NOT having structure.
i miss being on my feet. [am i really saying this?]
i miss the bustle of people coming in and out, day after day, and the challenge of trying to remember names and stories.
i miss the joy of perfecting a cappucino [wet or dry].
i miss being a part of a team.

any food for thought? [does anyone even read this anymore?]

what to do. what to do.

December 21, 2007

i am tired of answering phones.
but the money here is good.

i want to be a barista again.
but the money won’t be as good.

when did i ever base decisions on money?

insurance. rent. deposits. realism can’t be scoffed at forever. it is what it is. i am almost 24. i have to pay for things somehow, but i hate to let money keep me from pursuing dreams. its the exact type of coffee shop i’ve hoped would come to nashville. otherwise i may start dreaming of packing my bags. again.

what to do… what to do…

there are several options i am toying with if i get the job. [i interview next week.]

taking another part-time job. [tutoring, flower shop, donating plasma, who knows.]
splitting my time between my current job and the new one, meaning i’d take on around 45/50 hours.
nannying on the side. [hell has frozen over.]
attempting to live off of a very meager salary until i get promoted. [because i want to get into management eventually if it all works out.]

i miss NOT having structure.
i miss being on my feet. [am i really saying this?]
i miss the bustle of people coming in and out, day after day, and the challenge of trying to remember names and stories.
i miss the joy of perfecting a cappucino [wet or dry].
i miss being a part of a team.

any food for thought? [does anyone even read this anymore?]

there must be more.

December 18, 2007

hmmm. these are good words today.

CREATURES OF HABIT

Creatures of habit,
Day after day
Go about life,
The same old way.
Nothing disturbs
Their orderly routine
All must be neat,
And all must be clean.
They’re making their lists
And checking them twice,
Trying to make sure
Their work will suffice.
Impatient by nature
They don’t suffer fools
Gladly or otherwise
Because of the rules.
A place for everything
For all there’s a place
Don’t touch the guest towels
But please wash your face.
They insist on living
Orderly lives,
And of course only marry
Orderly wives.
Their homes antiseptic
Their cars always clean,
Their food always healthy
Their meat always lean.
Like ants in an ant hill,
Repeating their tasks
Rest in repetition
Ignore the mask.
Chaos is forbidden
Experiment absurd
Don’t ask for creative
Don’t mention the word.
Creatures of habit,
By whose design?
Is this just human,
Or is it divine?
What if we found
That ordering our sphere,
Is just a misnomer
For controlling our fear?
Fear of the truth,
Fear of falling
Fear of the unknown,
Fear of our calling
Fearing to let go,
Fearing to try,
Fearing to live,
And fearing to die.
Perhaps if we surrender
Control of our lives,
And offer ourselves
To all seeing eyes
We’d find a new freedom
Though not out of bounds
For when he controls us
The order’s profound.
Let go of the death grip,
You have on your life
Inhibit your habits
Without artifice.
Accept serendipity,
Free by design
Eat the new manna
Drink the new wine.
Come to the manger
Kneel at the throne
Realize your ruler
Won’t leave you alone.
Celebrate Christmas
Deliverance declare
You’re freed to inhabit
A creature’s full share.

Dec. 1 2005

there must be more.

December 18, 2007

hmmm. these are good words today.

CREATURES OF HABIT

Creatures of habit,
Day after day
Go about life,
The same old way.
Nothing disturbs
Their orderly routine
All must be neat,
And all must be clean.
They’re making their lists
And checking them twice,
Trying to make sure
Their work will suffice.
Impatient by nature
They don’t suffer fools
Gladly or otherwise
Because of the rules.
A place for everything
For all there’s a place
Don’t touch the guest towels
But please wash your face.
They insist on living
Orderly lives,
And of course only marry
Orderly wives.
Their homes antiseptic
Their cars always clean,
Their food always healthy
Their meat always lean.
Like ants in an ant hill,
Repeating their tasks
Rest in repetition
Ignore the mask.
Chaos is forbidden
Experiment absurd
Don’t ask for creative
Don’t mention the word.
Creatures of habit,
By whose design?
Is this just human,
Or is it divine?
What if we found
That ordering our sphere,
Is just a misnomer
For controlling our fear?
Fear of the truth,
Fear of falling
Fear of the unknown,
Fear of our calling
Fearing to let go,
Fearing to try,
Fearing to live,
And fearing to die.
Perhaps if we surrender
Control of our lives,
And offer ourselves
To all seeing eyes
We’d find a new freedom
Though not out of bounds
For when he controls us
The order’s profound.
Let go of the death grip,
You have on your life
Inhibit your habits
Without artifice.
Accept serendipity,
Free by design
Eat the new manna
Drink the new wine.
Come to the manger
Kneel at the throne
Realize your ruler
Won’t leave you alone.
Celebrate Christmas
Deliverance declare
You’re freed to inhabit
A creature’s full share.

Dec. 1 2005

resolutions.

December 17, 2007

Not New Year’s goals, mind you. I never make those.

Resolutions for this week, rather.

Eat. For the past several days, food has lost its appeal [though i still seem to find myself eating sweets that our clients bring to us]. As the lunch hour approaches along with a good friend who has invited me to lunch with him, I am crossing my fingers that soup will sound [and taste] good… and that the red & green m&ms at the desk will stop tasting good.

Buy. I am such a Christmas shopping procrastinator. At least I know what I am getting.

Go. To the gym. Yes. This must happen.

Read. This book is amazing, so far. Really, I could quote pages to you.

Purge. Moving always proves to show me how much I still need to get rid of, even when I thought I’d thrown most everything out the last time around.

Collect. My new roommate and I have no furniture. I need to spend a lot of my free time reversing this problem.

I am sure there are more, but I think this is a good start.








.

resolutions.

December 17, 2007

Not New Year’s goals, mind you. I never make those.

Resolutions for this week, rather.

Eat. For the past several days, food has lost its appeal [though i still seem to find myself eating sweets that our clients bring to us]. As the lunch hour approaches along with a good friend who has invited me to lunch with him, I am crossing my fingers that soup will sound [and taste] good… and that the red & green m&ms at the desk will stop tasting good.

Buy. I am such a Christmas shopping procrastinator. At least I know what I am getting.

Go. To the gym. Yes. This must happen.

Read. This book is amazing, so far. Really, I could quote pages to you.

Purge. Moving always proves to show me how much I still need to get rid of, even when I thought I’d thrown most everything out the last time around.

Collect. My new roommate and I have no furniture. I need to spend a lot of my free time reversing this problem.

I am sure there are more, but I think this is a good start.








.