confessions of a lapsed runner

January 30, 2007

when people ask me my hobbies, i usually include running/exercising in the list. late in college i had a mild obsession, getting really into taking care of myself, only to get injured in late spring from a race. i guess i never fully recovered mentally. i keep going in phases, but i always profess to love it.

but this is sort of untrue right now. you see, the last time i ran was before i went home to nashville in december. this was over a month ago. i haven’t even stepped into my gym since then.

this fact is unsettling because not only do i profess to enjoy something so much as to include it as “a pursuit outside one’s regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation” but i have registered for two races here in vancouver that occur in april (a 10k) and may (a half-marathon).

i don’t enjoy running right now. in fact, the mere thought of putting on my running shoes isn’t the slightest bit relaxing. same with going to the gym. it sends me into such an anxious state that i have to sit on the couch and watch Friends to calm down. and eat terrible treats left over from a birthday party. just so everyone knows, lacey has a terrible time with discipline.

i am such a hypocrite. i profess to be about living healthily in all realms of life but right now i am in the most rebellious state ever and i am beginning to pay for it. i have no energy. i feel disgusting especially when i eat greasy foods. i have paid a bit of money to run in races that at this point i am not ready for.

i am not really sure why i am blogging about this. maybe just the fact that this struggle is posted for all to see will help me be aware of the discontentment i am experiencing right now and change will happen. health is important to me. running is [read: was] enjoyable to me. right now, i just find myself resentful of it. maybe because i don’t see the results that i want [and more so because i am not patient, am not trying hard enough, and/or have unrealistic expectations]. maybe its because of the weather here which is much more conducive for curling up with a blanket and a good book or movie. but i hate how i feel right now and even curling up to read or watch a movie doesn’t have the same satisfaction because i know its only a form of escapism.

lent is coming. i am really looking forward to that time and what God will do with me. I am not sure what needs to be given up, but i have a feeling it will have something to do with the state i find myself in right now; being entirely too undisciplined.

so, thats my confession. encouragement is not only appreciated, but entirely needed at this point. πŸ™‚


8 Responses to “confessions of a lapsed runner”

  1. Matthew Says:

    boy do i feel your pain.

    i used to run cross country in highschool… so i thought, “hey, i should get into marathon running in college… that would be fun.”

    Lets just say I have started to train for a marathon twice now. I have yet to run one. Your lack of motivation/ambition/discipline is shared in this reader my friend. Good luck to you.

  2. Maris Says:

    Lacey can I just say that I love you? I really do. I love your honestly and vulnerability. I just love you! This post makes me miss you a lot for some reason. I understand a little about the cold (a little) I mean I know its colder up there but even here when I get off of work I just want to go home and put on my jammies and snuggle up on the couch!! Butttt…. for some odd reason I have fallen in love with working out here lately! (Only in the morning though!) I started small with 30 mins a day and now I get mad because I dont want to leave:) My encouragement is to pull out that IPod with your crazy rap music and get back into it small amounts at a time! Its ok to be in a rut πŸ™‚ We all have them. Dont be so hard on yourself!
    P.S. I need some of your rap music!!

  3. Lacey Says:

    matt- thanks πŸ™‚ something about knowing you aren’t alone is always comforting. i love that.

    maris- i miss you too πŸ™‚ thanks for the encouragement to just start small. sometimes the best way to spur someone on is with pushing just a little, tiny bit. tomorrow there is a treadmill waiting for me with my name on it. πŸ™‚ i must say, i am so proud of you! and when i come home, i will surely pass some music on to you. πŸ™‚ edited versions, of course.

  4. Hilary Says:

    1. Lace, chil out.
    2. I think all that sitting around has made you a little overly critical of yourself.
    3. Maybe getting up and moving would produce endorphins that would make you love yourself again.
    4. I went to the gym the day before yesterday (after not going for a solid 6 weeks) and it was so crowded that all I did was crunches and then i left.
    5. Hi, I miss you. πŸ™‚

  5. Isaac Bubna, some call me Ike Says:

    Hi Lacey,

    I know how hard it is to get up and get moving. My running shoes are collecting dust.

    Lately I’ve been pondering community and I wonder if running is often unappealing to me because I often do it alone. I enjoy community, I don’t want to leave those I can talk, laugh, and enjoy life with. So maybe I need to find a group of runners? Maybe my desire not to go running isn’t all bad, there’s nothing wrong with community. I may need to adjust how I view running and turn it into a community activity or view it as an opportunity to spend time refreshing my soul through conversation with God.

    Either way it’s still difficult to get up off of the couch, go out in the cold, and leave the community of “Friends” we all enjoy so much.

  6. Toria Says:

    Oh Lace! I just love you. Of course, you know I hate running with a passion so I may not be of help there, unless you want to bet I can’t still run a mile. πŸ™‚ I can understand not wanting to excercise. It has been in the single digits this week, and I have certainly allowed that to keep me from any form of excercise. Keep plugging away my friend. You can get back into it.

  7. shaunna Says:

    hi! ok, i left a comment yesterday, but it didn’t show up! i understand! the motivation for me has not been there either…BUT there is such a satisfaction when you decide to go ahead and do something anyway. what is it about getting started that is so challenging? when you come home you won’t have to run alone!!! i am currently running alone & it’s more difficult, but not impossible! we can do it!!!! press on, you runner, press on!!!

  8. Lacey Says:

    what great friends i have to leave me such sweet notes. πŸ™‚

    today was a good first day back into it. shaunna, if i ever live in nashville again, its you and me. πŸ™‚

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