now and then what

December 26, 2006

my nephew is asleep in my room tonight (in his little transportable bed). i am officially in heaven and loving every minute of time with him i get. but tonight when mom left me upstairs to try to put him to sleep he freaked out on me. screams. real tears. the works.

and i realized its because he doesn’t really know me and so i got really sad and started to tear up and then there was mom coming back up the stairs to my rescue and of course he went straight to her… and about 30 minutes later we finally got him to go to sleep. he is a fighter, for sure. i hate that he doesn’t know me and the next time i see him will be in mid august… twice as much time away as this first leg of the journey.

sometimes i wonder if it would have just been the right thing to move back to nashville. get an apartment. a job where i made a decent salary. a new church community to invent in, see my nephew grow up. meet the guy (you know the one i mean). be with friends who know me. ….about 6 weeks ago i almost decided to do just this- to end my semester missionary stint and just come home.

but then it hit me that i was considering it only because i was scared. and i knew if i went home i would be running from this place of vulnerability and adventure that is vancouver. i feel like god has brought me there to be in this space of taking on risks and exploring life in ways i wouldn’t dream possible if i moved back to the all-too familiar.

i find myself thinking of jesus’ words about following him and how doing so may put child against parent. not that my parents are against me, but in light of the aforementioned incident with brock, i am realizing that for me to follow christ the way i think i should is costly.and knowing this is true isn’t always the same as experiencing it as truth. but if jesus IS how things are; if he is truly the reality we all are seeking to experience… then my life will involve great cost. that said i can safely say that my life will probably look pretty odd to some, unsuccessful to others, downright crazy to many…

so that brings me to some verses we focused on at church a few weeks ago, when the angel visited mary before jesus’s birth. jesus was going to be named as such because of what his birth meant- salvation was here not only the jews, but all mankind. i have to be a part of this same announcing. im not always good at it, sometimes i don’t do it, but even with that said, i don’t think i could live life any other way.

anyways, just some of my thoughts here on christmas night. its so great to be back. many friends have made it a point to seek me out for time together and i look forward to those times together. but most importantly i am home to see my family. that said, i’m off. i have a feeling brock will be waking me up earlier than later. maybe he will be a little more warmed up to me by morning. šŸ™‚


One Response to “now and then what”

  1. Kyle Says:

    so which blog are you using? heh

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