late night thoughts p2

December 5, 2006

i have a confession.

i really like studying.

and i love when i realize i really, really enjoy something.

i am reminded of the first day i was in vancouver. kyle gave me this incredibly long on-line test to take that would help me see my skills (which i usually believe are lacking, but thats another story). I believe Erwin McManus gives the test 5 stars or something, being that its from one of his conferences. ha.

anyways, i remember sitting in prado and being a bit freaked out taking the “start with talent, finish with strength” test, hating the questions that made me feel like i really suck at life. i can’t remember any of the 2 hours worth of questions right now, but i do remember feeling really inadequate and like the results were going to indicate that i was one of those people that had no talents or strengths… that i’d beat the system somehow and they’d have to refund kyle his money for having nothing to offer me. basically, i was prepared for the worst.

the wait was agonizing… kind of like the in between time of taking a CLEP exam or driver’s license test

but to my surprise i had strengths come up. and these “strengths” confirmed and implied a lot for me:

  • input: someone with a craving to know more. often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information
  • communication: people who find it generally easy to put their thoughts into words. they are good conversationalists and presenters
  • empathy: people who can sense the feelings of others by imagining themselves in others’ lives or situations
  • intellection: people characterized by their intellectual activity. they are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions
  • adaptability: people who prefer to “go with the flow.” they tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

so apparently i am good at researching, talking, feeling, intellectualizing (is that a word?), and adapting.

apparently, i add again. there is much room for growth. just ask people who know me.

now, to turn these “strengths” into a vision, into something i want to wake up and do every day… i have no idea. but tonight i know that i love studying. but not just anything; studying about Jesus and the life he wants his talmidim to live. but none of this is just for me.

i love studying because i want to share what i learn with others. not because i think i have anything new to offer. but because i want to keep being a part of telling the Jesus story. Telling about the new life He wants to give to all people. How He wants to be a part of shaping and molding us into whole, beautiful people. How we can’t do it right alone, as hard as we may try. He knew we couldn’t do it… that our efforts would be just measly attempts at right living. And He offers to rescue us from that effort.

i want the Jesus story to be made known through my strengths. (and yes, my weaknesses, but go with me here)

but recently i have even found myself thinking that with my supposed strengths it would be a whole lot easier if i wasn’t a girl.

just being honest.

i hate that i have thought and wrestled with this lately. i definitely am not trying to say that guys who go into ministry have it easier just by default… that would be really ignorant of me to assume that when i know it isn’t the case firsthand. but i do believe that for a girl the stakes are usually a little higher. the isolation is more probable. the journey is a bit less paved. the supportive voice is a little harder to hear.

[to know God] embark upon a journey of faith, hope, and love even if you don’t know where your path will lead. -Brian McLaren

yup. that pretty much sums up where i am at.

[and for the record, i do love being a girl. especially wearing skirts, watching chick flicks with no shame, sucking at sports, freaking out when i stumble upon “the Bachelor” from the season in Paris at a coffee shop back home, the old high school dreams of marrying a rock star like Chris Carrabba, or at least a guy who sounded and wrote like him, girl-talk with my best friends, not ever worrying about “meeting the parents” too much…yes. just a few reasons i am glad i am a girl.]


2 Responses to “late night thoughts p2”

  1. ginger Says:

    ha ha ha-i read your blog while i was leaving work tonight and laughed out loud. you’re such a dork. but i think i am too…


  2. Lacey Says:

    ha! you are no more ridiculous than i, my friend, as your post admits.

    dorks… table for 2, yes ma’am.

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