[un]answering

God is a lot bigger than the systematic theology boxes I once fit Him inside.

I think my “awakening” began my junior year of college. Back then I would have had other choice words for this. But now I can thankfully look back and see that God spared me more grief by giving me pain.

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised;
and His greatness is unsearchable.

I grew frustrated at times when I would sit it on lectures about various doctrines of atonement or the inerrancy of Scripture with special attention being given to the RIGHT one to believe. Is God not bigger than this, I wondered?

He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable.

Then there was the time I had a seminar class and one of the guys presented a paper stating that 1) the most noble thing a woman can be is a wife and mother and 2) that a man was to be a sort of go-between for his wife and God. I didn’t have answers, but I knew this way of thinking made me sick to my stomach. (i was one of two girls in the class. and i was the only one to say that I didn’t agree. things got awkward.. and I cried many tears over this later.)

God is bigger than all of this. But somewhere along the way I forgot this truth. Things got complicated in my head. There were too many interpretations, too many opinions on who God was… all from one single source of revelation. Questions linger and more have come up, but something is different now.

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!

Slowly I am becoming okay with my questions. Before, I was merely seeking answers. But now, I am seeking God. And the liberation I am beginning to know is unlike any before. There is a greater sense of mystery than when I had all these boxes and definitions to package my beliefs within.

a mystery involves studying, questioning, doubting, uncertainty

a predictable story is boring, formulaic, forgettable

It is the glory of God to conceal things,
but the glory of kings is to search things out.

…and i prefer a good mystery over a predictable story any day.